


Dear Diary

by theRadioStarr



Series: The Lion Among the Wolves [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Epistolary, F/M, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 17:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4928632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theRadioStarr/pseuds/theRadioStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally a new journal. A gift from Leliana, of all people. I should have known by now that she is of course aware of my habits. </p><p>Such a beautiful book. It is almost a shame to marr its pages with ink. And with my writings, above that. </p><p>But that is what these tomes are for, are they not? I shall put it to good use. </p><p>***** </p><p>Companion piece to Capitolina Lupa, taking place between the end of Chapter 37: Chaos Be Undone and the end of Chapter 43: What Festered In the Shadows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> From the very private journal of Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, Former Right Hand of the Divine. 
> 
> [The ink is smudged in a few places, and some pages have huge splotches where excess has dripped off the pen, perhaps while the writer was thinking of what to write. You can tell by the quality of the handwriting itself that some entries were not made in a location where writing would be easy.]

_16 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_On the road, not much time to write – found the ~~Seekr~~ Seekers at Caer Oswin today. Lord Seeker Lucius had gone mad. We put him down, but not before he handed me the tome of the Order – I suppose that makes me the new ~~Lorl~~ Lord Seeker. I will wait until I return to Skyhold to ~~ree~~ read it. _

_It occurs to me that Summerday is approaching, and I recall being in Val ~~Roi~~ ~~Royau~~ Royeaux for it last year, appealing to the Chantry – has a year passed since ~~Capit~~ Lupa was found at the Temple already? It seems to have only been weeks ago, yet here we are. I wonder when her Name Day is? I should ~~spee~~ speak to the others about celebrateing it for her this year. She deserves a break. _

_~~~~~~~_

_20 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_Left the others in ~~Cress~~ Crestwood so they could meet with Bull and the ~~Car~~ Chargers. The road from here to Skyhold is busy enough that I should be fine travelling alone. _

_Perhaps I will settle into reading the ~~ton~~ tome Lucius passed to me when I make camp at night – it should be just dry enough reading to help me get some ~~slle~~ sleep. _

_~~~~~~~_

_22 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_Almost back to Skyhold now – I’ve been following a ~~Dail~~ Dalish assassin all day. I’m sure he know’s I’m tailing him, but I think I’ll ~~kep~~ keep my distance all the same. _

_I had forgotten how awful travelling alone can be. You can’t ever get any decent sleep when there’s no-one standing watch. Having nightmares of Daniel are not helping, either. Maker save him._

_~~~~~~~_

_23 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_The ~~assassass~~ assassin’s name is Revasan. _

_He was counting his arrows across the fire from me when I woke this morning. I drew my sword, but he ~~just~~ laughed. _

_“I saw you following me yesterday, shemlen. You look capable, but - since traveling alone is never a good idea, especially in these times, I decided to backtrack, to see where you were headed and offer my company, should you wish for it.” His voice is surprisingly deep, yet smooth, wise perhaps beyond his years. I estimate him to be close to my own age._

_He claims to be the last of ~~Capi~~ Lupa’s Clan. I suppose we shall see what her other ~~Clann~~ Clanmates think when we arrive at Skyhold. _

_He has been very ~~fore~~ forthcoming with me today. I suppose if he truly is one of Lupa’s Clan, he will not want to hide anything – still, I am too old and wary to trust him blindly just yet. _

_~~~~~~~_

_26 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_Had to travel on foot, since Revasan had no horse. The last leg of the journey took a little longer than anticipated, but we still made good time._

_Lupa’s father immediately met Revasan with a strong embrace. The two are apparently old friends. I feel better for Revasan, knowing he has the word of Mahanon to back him up here._

_Still, we should be wary. Just as Maferath betrayed Andraste, so could a Clanmate betray our Inquisitor._

_~~~~~~~_

_29 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_Things are back to normal here, as far as normal ~~for me~~ goes. Cullen tells me ~~Cap~~ Lupa should be home in only another few days. He seemed pained, and anxious. I think he does not notice his withdrawal symptoms as much when she is here to keep him occupied. _

_Revasan has taken to joining me at dinner, and bringing me ~~e~~ tea after lunch. When I asked him why he does this, he wondered if I was ~~tri~~ tired of his company. _

_I may have stuttered like a little girl in my haste to assure him otherwise._

_The smile it brought to his face was rather confusing, but he left it alone, and I admit to being ~~grea~~ grateful for it. I need some time to sort this whole thing out in my head. _

_~~~~~~~_

_30 Cloudreach, 9:42 Dragon_

_It’s true. Its all true._

_And the Seekers, made Tranquil? Touched by Faith to give us our skills? It explains so much._

_This news has been   distressing. Revasan brought me my tea, as usual, but I did not go to dinner._

_So he brought me food and a strong drink._

_He asked me what was wrong, but I told him I couldn’t share it with him. He ~~supri~~   surprised me by just nodding and dropping the subject, asking instead how I intended to spend my time now that I was done with my ‘far too oficial-looking reading’. _

_I told him I would go back to my favourite practice dummie, and he offered to spar with me tomorrow. We shall see how it goes. I find myself looking forward to the ~~chaa~~ chance to pit myself against him. _

_~~~~~~~_

_1 Bloomingtide, 9:42 Dragon_

_Summerday is quiet here. Everyone seems to be just going about their ~~bisin~~ business as usual, though the tavern was loud and full when Revasan and I went for a drink after our sparring match. _

_I won, of course, best two of three – but I had to play dirty to win one of those matches, and Revasan knew it. He demanded a rematch tomorr ~~r~~ ow._

_Lupa was waiting for me on my stool when we left. Her and Revasan had a  bit of a strained reunion, and I went for a walk through the garden with her after he left us. We talked about nothing in particular, but I did take the ~~opor~~ opportunity to ask her what Revasan’s name meant. She told me it’s an elven word that roughly means   ‘a place where freedom dwells’, if I remember correctly. I immediately told her I thought it fitting, and she gave me a look that made me squirm. _

_I redirected the conversation to ~~interrug~~ interrogating her on the rest of her journey, and she happily went along with it, though I could see the fire of mischief behind those eyes of hers. Andraste preserve me from whatever she’s thinking of. _

_~~The Commander~~ _ _Cullen is apparently not doing well. Maker watch over him. I hope he feels better soon._

_~~~~~~~_

_3 Bloomingtide, 9:42 Dragon_

_It appears that my ~~spur~~ sparring matches with Revasan are to become a daily occurrence. If I said this was a problem, or unwelcome, I would be terribly dishonest. _

_He caught me, after dinner, rereading the copy of Swords and Shields that the Inquisitor had Varric write for me. I swear the ~~intire~~ entirety of Thedas will soon know of my secret love of terrible smut. _

_I do not imagine I would have been so easy to sneak up on, but ~~he~~ Revasan is surprisingly light on his feet, and I was at a particularly    distracting part of the story. I was unaware of his presence until the book was ~~grabbed~~  snatched from my hand in one quick, fluid movement. I received only one highly amused glance before he sank cross legged on the floor, placing the bottle in his other hand at his knee so he could hold the book in both hands. And then he began to read. _

_It was    - well, I have never experienced anything quite like it. Who knew his already rich voice could drop so low? It stirred something in me, something I had thought long gone and forgotten, and I    am not sure what to do about it. That just the sound of his voice could make me feel so strongly, like a young girl first discovering the flutter of butterflies in her stomach, or the young woman who feels the fire of desire behind her navel, is astounding. What possibly could a touch inspire?_

_When it was over, he stood, carefully tucking my ~~paye~~ pagemark into place before handing the book back to me and placing a  soft kiss on the scar on my cheek. I heard him take a deep breath as he did, and I tried to do the same. Both of us were shaky. He straightened up and left without a word. _

_This was not what I expected to find in this Inquisition, but if my friends and colleagues can have love, then why can’t I?_

_Lupa came up to see me shortly after Rev left. Will be travelling with her and the Commander soon. No details yet – I’m sure she’ll let us know when she finds out more._

_~~~~~~~_

_27 Bloomingtide, 9:42 Dragon_

_Forgot my journal at ~~home~~ Skyhold when we left – I’m not sure how I managed to keep my head without it._

_We made a detour on our way home from ~~Tivin~~ Tevinter. Tevinter! Had Lupa not been so much a target, it would have been fascinating to travel further north and see Minrathous. As it was, we killed no less than 32 groups of slavers hoping to capture her and Romulus. I do not think ~~the Commander~~   **Cullen** or Dorian slept for even a minute the entire time we were there. _

_Not until Cullen, the ~~imbec~~ idiot that he sometimes is, got his side torn open. We were stuck at one camp for a week before we could ride again, even with all the healing magic. _

_We made a detour on the way home to the Valence ~~clu~~ cloister – Leliana had asked Lupa to meet her there to take care of something that Justinia left her. When it was over, I expected Leliana to join us for the trip home, but instead she asked me to accompany her. Lupa’s order. So, naturally, I did. _

_She spoke of many things on the trip home. She is    softer again, not so cold and ruthless. She tells me she lost herself in her work for ~~Doro~~ Justinia. Seeing her more like her old self again, I believe her. I cannot forgive myself for letting her fall into a place so dark. _

_We arrived back well before Lupa and the others. I came up to my little sleeping space first, and found a small bundle of dried flowers and a note from Revasan. He is out running a mission in ~~Denir~~ Denerim, and appears to have been gone for about two weeks. I think he will begone for another two at most. _

_My sparring ground seems empty without him sharing it. Perhaps Bull will join me. I will show him the real reason the Qun does not like their women fighting._

_~~~~~~~_

_9 Justinian, 9:42 Dragon_

_Revasan is home._

_He arrived yesterday around midmorning. I walked down toward the stabels to meet him, and he seemed to be unharmed, though he cassually brushed me off, promising to find me later. I ~~tryed~~ tried not to be upset, but it hurt more than I expected. _

_The rest of the day after that was bizarre, to say the least. I was held captive by Josephine for over an hour as she grilled me on Nevarran politics, claiming my insight regarding my outrageous family would help her settle a disagreement entirely unrelated to us. When I finally escaped her, Warden Alistair stopped me in the main hall to ask for my help with training the soldiers._

_That at least is something I can do. I went straight from there to dinner, and ate alone. Leliana caught me as I was finishing up, and asked me to join her in the tavern for a drink._

_By the time we left the tavern, night had fallen. What I saw before me_

_I couldn’t believe my eyes._

_A path of rose petals in all colours, lined with hundreds of candles, all lit with a soft blue magical flame. They led from my training dummy all the way down to the gates of Skyhold._

_I followed them out of the Keep and down along a small path a little way down, perhaps a quarter of an hours walk. It led to a place I had remembered Revasan telling me about finding shortly after he had arrived in Skyhold, a place he claimed was a private retreat when the stone walls felt oppressive around him._

_I peeked around a tree as I followed the path further, and found him with his back turned, his dark hair falling free down his back. One hand was held behind him. A twig snapped under my feet, hidden beneath the rose petals._

_I remember calling his name – a question. He simply responded by reading._

_Ah, the Carmenum Di Amatus. Such lovely tastes. I admit I did not expect it from him. But the sound of his voice as he read     He allowed me to finish the piece. I think those words are burned into my memory for ever, now._

_His lips on mine speak words not voiced, a prayer_

_Which travels down my spine like flames that shatter night_

_His eyes reflect the heaven’s stars, the Maker’s light_

_My body opens, filled and blessed, my spirit there_

_Not merely housed in flesh, but brought to life_

_We ~~–ha     were in   lai~~  It was a    late night. I had hoped to put it into words, so that I could remember it in detail later, but it seems I cannot. I should have asked Varric to write this for me. _

_Finding him here, it is more than I could have asked for. It is good to have this feeling in my chest again, like my heart will burst from it. He told me he loves me, and I think that      maybe I love him, too._

_It seems I am running out of pages in this journal. I’m glad I picked up a new one in Tevinter. Starting a new journal is always such a spiritual experience._

_One day, I shall look back on this one and read through the memories forever inked into its pages. I wonder what memories my new one will hold._

**Author's Note:**

> Took an artistic approach to this one, too. The typos are intentional. I wanted it to feel like someone had written this by hand and made those mistakes.


End file.
